7 Love and Relationship Tips

Most relationships, even those built on love, start to fade with time. If both partners do nothing to improve the situation after some time they may hit a dead-end. However, there are a few things that can be done to sustain happy and strong relationship.

Here are most important love and relationship tips that you need to know in order to save passion and special bond that you and your beloved share:

1. Make sure to spend some quality time with your partner. Sometimes we get so caught up in insignificant daily worries that love is receded into the background. You have to take a conscious action to prevent that from happening. Find at least one weekend a month so the two of you could be together.

2. Take a conscious action to show your other half that you love him/her. Surprise your partner with unexpected gift. It doesn’t have to be big and expensive. It just has to come from your heart.

3. Show interest in your partner’s life. For example, you can say, “Hi. How was your day?” and listen to the answer attentively. The person that you love should not only see a lover in you, but also a friend to whom he/she can confide his/her worries and problems at any time.

4. Communicating is crucial in any relationships. If you don’t like something about your partner’s actions do not keep it inside, talk to him/her, even if it may result in an argument.

5. When having an argument, never use name-calling or refer to mistakes your beloved one has made in the past. It is not OK to humiliate or ridicule another person, even if he/she has hurt your feelings. This is not going to solve any problems on the contrary it will only make matters worse.

6. Try to find a proper balance, between dependence and independence. By being too independent and cold, you can distance yourself from a person that you love. But at the same time by being too needy or “clingy” you can make him/her feel trapped and irritated. Make sure that your other half knows that you need and love him/her, but don’t overdo it. For example, if you give your girlfriend a bouquet of roses for no reason, she will be very touched and happy. But if you are giving her a rose every single day, eventually she will get used to it and the gesture will lose its meaning.

7. And probably the most important tip – do not expect your partner be a mind reader! Men and women are different. They think differently, they feel differently, they act differently. If you want your special someone to do something for you – ask. Thoughts like, “If he would love me, he would do ….”, “I’m not talking to him until he apologizes for…” (when a guy has no clue of what he did wrong) are destructive and pointless.

You have to remember, that relationships are not only about fun and excitement. They take time and effort!

Tips For a Successful Long Distance Relationship

On a general note, relationships are often difficult to maintain even when the partners live in the same town and even when in the same house. Given this scenario, it becomes even more difficult when distance separate the partners. This distance may be because of one of the partners leaving far away for college, taking up a better job opportunity in another town, state or country, or going an expedition, etc.

Research suggests that long distance relationships do not break up at any greater rate than traditional, geographically close ones. In addition, several studies have discovered that the levels of relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment of long distance relationship partners are identical to those of their geographically close counterparts. However, they might worry more about infidelity, but they do not actually cheat more.

It is also an obvious fact that long distance relationships are much easier when you have known the other person for quite some time before the separation by distance. Those that have spent some months or years in a committed relationship will do fairly better in a long distance relationship as they already have a foundation on which to continue building on as against a new couple starting out afresh.

Long distance relationships are definitely on the rise but that does not mean they are for everyone. For those who really want it to work and are determined to find out where it can lead, developing a few disciplines and adding some creativity like the few listed below into this type of relationship can make all the difference.

Clarify Expectations

What are your expectations in this relationship and what rules do you have in place to guide you to seeing them accomplished. Do not just hope all things will work out right, have goals and a time-frame for their accomplishment. This will give the relationship a hope to live on. Do not push this aside; it is important you have a good plan of where you are both heading with this relationship.

Trust

This is the most important ingredient to make a long distance relationship work. The biggest issue with non-face-to-face communication is the lack of facial expression. This makes it so easy for words to be misinterpreted but unfortunately much harder to trust and stay positive. Since both of you are practically miles apart and apparently leading separate lives, without this element of trust, there is no chance whatsoever of the relationship surviving the turmoil in this kind of relationship.

Be Interested

There must be a sense of true interest in one another. There must be a deep-seated emotional connection between both of you and this is whether you have been together before you separated or you met through some other means like online dating services, email, or online chat rooms. It is not just about the physical attraction, this interest must transcend the ordinary, as it is the foundation of this relationship.

Make Advance Plans on Regular Visitations

Depending on the distance between you, it is advisable to discuss and plan on how often you intend to see each other. For this visit include activities like visiting towns where your partner is in, spending the weekend in fancy hotels, and general activities that will help make the meeting memorable.

Set Ground Rules

There are bound to be differences of opinion and you should anticipate changes in the course of the relationship. It is important you talk through these anticipated challenges and set ground rules for dealing with them from onset of the relationship. When you have these rules in place, it becomes easier to handle these challenges when they arise than when you leave them up to chance.

These rules may include things such as “no flirting while apart”, calling or emailing at least once a day or as deem fit by both parties, setting a time to see each other may be once in every one or two months etc. They may not seem necessary and too obvious but it is essential that you both have these agreed upon mutually.

Be Open and Express Yourself Always

While sharing the day-to-day events of things going on in each other lives, try talking about mundane, ordinary happenings, which will help in creating an air of normalcy in the relationship. Chip in details about an appointment you had with a new client, a new route you took to work today because of the traffic, and trivial things such as the turkey sandwich you had for lunch and probably how wonderful they cook at a new restaurant two blocks away from your Aunt Maureen’s place.

Send a Handwritten Letter

It is often easier to write more about how one feels than it is to say it most of the time, so occasionally write an extensive and intimate letter to your partner. Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about most, a new inspiration or idea you just got, new or interesting poetry just for him or her or other things going on in your life that you feel like sharing.

To be more romantic, you could use a snail mail service to send your writings to your partner and include articles or local stories in the dailies that might be of particular interest to him or her. The beauty of seeing a mail in your mailbox from your loved is just exhilarating, as we have taken emails for granted these days.

Be Committed

Do not go into a long distance relationship if you are not willing to commit to it fully and save yourself the frustration, anger, and pain. The hard truth is that there is no point enduring a long distance relationship if you do not mean it, if you are not fully committed to seeing it succeed.

Enjoy Your Independence

Being apart from your partner should enable you to grow as an individual while feeling and still remaining committed in a relationship. While you may see yourself as “attached” to your significant other, the distance provides room for you to grow and not lose your own identity. The happier you act with your life, the happier you will actually feel.

Continue going about your daily routine and stay busy. Enjoy your time alone and take up activity that will help make the days go fast and thus not having any time to mope.

Be Positive and Have Faith

Bring an air positive thinking into the relationship and focus on the positive aspects of it having faith and confidence in the survival of the relationship. Never make unnecessary assumptions without clarifying from your partner. If you have doubts about any issue do not interpret too much into it, instead call his/her attention to it and clear the air over such an issue.

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On a general note, relationships are often difficult to maintain even when the partners live in the same town and even when in the same house. Given this scenario, it becomes even more difficult when distance separate the partners. This distance may be because of one of the partners leaving far away for college, taking up a better job opportunity in another town, state or country, or going an expedition, etc.

Research suggests that long distance relationships do not break up at any greater rate than traditional, geographically close ones. In addition, several studies have discovered that the levels of relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment of long distance relationship partners are identical to those of their geographically close counterparts. However, they might worry more about infidelity, but they do not actually cheat more.

It is also an obvious fact that long distance relationships are much easier when you have known the other person for quite some time before the separation by distance. Those that have spent some months or years in a committed relationship will do fairly better in a long distance relationship as they already have a foundation on which to continue building on as against a new couple starting out afresh.

Long distance relationships are definitely on the rise but that does not mean they are for everyone. For those who really want it to work and are determined to find out where it can lead, developing a few disciplines and adding some creativity like the few listed below into this type of relationship can make all the difference.

Clarify Expectations

What are your expectations in this relationship and what rules do you have in place to guide you to seeing them accomplished. Do not just hope all things will work out right, have goals and a time-frame for their accomplishment. This will give the relationship a hope to live on. Do not push this aside; it is important you have a good plan of where you are both heading with this relationship.

Trust

This is the most important ingredient to make a long distance relationship work. The biggest issue with non-face-to-face communication is the lack of facial expression. This makes it so easy for words to be misinterpreted but unfortunately much harder to trust and stay positive. Since both of you are practically miles apart and apparently leading separate lives, without this element of trust, there is no chance whatsoever of the relationship surviving the turmoil in this kind of relationship.

Be Interested

There must be a sense of true interest in one another. There must be a deep-seated emotional connection between both of you and this is whether you have been together before you separated or you met through some other means like online dating services, email, or online chat rooms. It is not just about the physical attraction, this interest must transcend the ordinary, as it is the foundation of this relationship.

Make Advance Plans on Regular Visitations

Depending on the distance between you, it is advisable to discuss and plan on how often you intend to see each other. For this visit include activities like visiting towns where your partner is in, spending the weekend in fancy hotels, and general activities that will help make the meeting memorable.

Set Ground Rules

There are bound to be differences of opinion and you should anticipate changes in the course of the relationship. It is important you talk through these anticipated challenges and set ground rules for dealing with them from onset of the relationship. When you have these rules in place, it becomes easier to handle these challenges when they arise than when you leave them up to chance.

These rules may include things such as “no flirting while apart”, calling or emailing at least once a day or as deem fit by both parties, setting a time to see each other may be once in every one or two months etc. They may not seem necessary and too obvious but it is essential that you both have these agreed upon mutually.

Be Open and Express Yourself Always

While sharing the day-to-day events of things going on in each other lives, try talking about mundane, ordinary happenings, which will help in creating an air of normalcy in the relationship. Chip in details about an appointment you had with a new client, a new route you took to work today because of the traffic, and trivial things such as the turkey sandwich you had for lunch and probably how wonderful they cook at a new restaurant two blocks away from your Aunt Maureen’s place.

Send a Handwritten Letter

It is often easier to write more about how one feels than it is to say it most of the time, so occasionally write an extensive and intimate letter to your partner. Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about most, a new inspiration or idea you just got, new or interesting poetry just for him or her or other things going on in your life that you feel like sharing.

To be more romantic, you could use a snail mail service to send your writings to your partner and include articles or local stories in the dailies that might be of particular interest to him or her. The beauty of seeing a mail in your mailbox from your loved is just exhilarating, as we have taken emails for granted these days.

Be Committed

Do not go into a long distance relationship if you are not willing to commit to it fully and save yourself the frustration, anger, and pain. The hard truth is that there is no point enduring a long distance relationship if you do not mean it, if you are not fully committed to seeing it succeed.

Enjoy Your Independence

Being apart from your partner should enable you to grow as an individual while feeling and still remaining committed in a relationship. While you may see yourself as “attached” to your significant other, the distance provides room for you to grow and not lose your own identity. The happier you act with your life, the happier you will actually feel.

Continue going about your daily routine and stay busy. Enjoy your time alone and take up activity that will help make the days go fast and thus not having any time to mope.

Be Positive and Have Faith

Bring an air positive thinking into the relationship and focus on the positive aspects of it having faith and confidence in the survival of the relationship. Never make unnecessary assumptions without clarifying from your partner. If you have doubts about any issue do not interpret too much into it, instead call his/her attention to it and clear the air over such an issue.

Love and Respect

There are so many mixed emotions swirling around the need for respect and love. People are always looking for both and ending up with one or none. Why is that?

Well, for one thing, love is often given without thought, whereas respect has to be earned. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t know why I love so and so because I don’t even like him or her?”

Then there’s the confusion between love and lust. There aren’t a lot of people who can distinguish the difference between the two in the early stages of a relationship. And even after the relationship has had time to mature, it’s still difficult to ascertain the difference between love and sex if you are still having sex with your partner.

But, respect is different. If nothing else, you can feel when someone respects you. You can feel validated by that person. It’s not just hearing pretty words because those pretty words have to be backed up by actions. It’s the actions that tell you whether you’re being respected and you can’t keep telling someone you want their respect; you have to earn it.

If your boundaries are consistently being crossed, you don’t have the respect you’re looking for. All the “I love you’s” in the world won’t diminish the lack of respect you feel when you know that someone keeps taking advantage of you.

When someone keeps undermining you or criticizing you without offering a way to fix the problem, you know that this person just wants to vent but doesn’t respect you enough to help you resolve the problem or change the status quo.

Many a criticism is said in jest or said in such subtle ways that you don’t even realize what it is. You only know that you don’t feel good about yourself but you can’t figure out why. And you can love that person deeply, yet not respect him or her or feel respected by him or her.

Are your opinions sought or do you have to keep them to yourself? Do your opinions count in your relationship or are they ignored? When you are in a relationship, one of the most sensitive aspects is the sharing of ideas and plans that involve the two of you. If only one of you is making most of the decisions that are affecting both of you, then you are not being respected, regardless of the reasons being given by your partner.

If respect matters to you more than love, walk away from someone who doesn’t show it with definitive actions. If love matters more to you than respect, at least try to feel that your love is being returned in equal measure. The important thing is that you know what you’re looking for in a relationship so that you can identify it when you feel it or notice the absence of it when it is lacking.

Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver.a

4 Things the Holy Spirit Taught Me About Relationships

Here are four new things that I learned through the Holy Spirit recently:

1. Conviction or Condemnation

A person who we have a grievance with is either going to hear from God’s Spirit or from God’s enemy.

If they hear from God’s Spirit they’ll be convicted to make right what has been done wrong. If they hear from God’s enemy, on the other hand, they will condemn the other party. There is no learning, no blessing, and no hope in the latter. But reconciliation is probable in the former situation.

2. We Are Comforted to Comfort Others With the Comfort We Received

A principle of 2 Corinthians chapter 1 gives us the purpose behind suffering. It’s a truth that ought to never be rejected as cliché.

Only those who have trodden a particular road can truly empathise with others who are on the same road. But to have suffered and surrendered is a spiritual gifting with universal reach for ministry. We have something to offer someone when we have reached a place where nobody’s explanation of our situation made any sense at all, least of all our own. In that liminal space we discovered only God’s invisible powers mattered.

When ministry transcends words, and where answers or advice cease to have value, we are able to ponder the questions. It’s only questions that have any value when there are no answers; when life has taken us onto a road of mystery.

3. Don’t Use the Force of Telling – Learn the Gentleness of Asking

Nobody responds to telling, and the giving of advice generally falls flat, even in those seeking advice, because advice rarely hits the same mark for the other person as it does for us.

Asking people questions invites them into their response of reflection.

Asking questions doesn’t offend people and it keeps space free for the Holy Spirit to communicate what only the Holy Spirit can.

4. Nurture the Pastoral Heart and Use It

Hugging people has become a tricky business nowadays, with issues of abuse and safety rife in the church.

But offering people the reciprocation of their intimacy is both kind and generous.

For those we are safe to love – those generally of the same gender and age – we should nurture relational blessings. For the opposite gender and for those who are vulnerable we should be warier, but demonstrations of kindness and generosity in public, especially when they are initiated by others, are generally safe.

Whatever we do in ministry we are best to nurture a pastoral heart.

The Secret of Great Relationships

What’s the secret of discovering a true friend or lover? The Secret of Great Relationships? By the word “true” I mainly mean a relationship free of manipulation and ego based behaviors.

The first thing that comes in mind is move towards the mindset of “giving”. Give yourself, your thoughts and your genuine responses. I am sure that you have heard this phrase a thousand times in videos and blog posts but you have failed to do so. First of all “failing” is necessary, it means that you are trying to re-approach yourself by a different angle. Having said that, the phrase “I failed” is more likely to be replaced with “I am moving closer to my goals” because you try to find a solution inwards. If you continually searching outwards then I invite you to search yourself first. How can you actually practice that?

A great book

The first approach is to discover your values. Most people keep saying that they have values but if you challenge them to simplify them and give a straight answer about their first and foremost value, they are unable to do so. There are many exceptional books on that matter, I recommend you to read “Awaken the Giant Within”. Anthony Robbins will guide you extremely well in the majority of crucial matters and give you tools to explore and modify your value system. Exploring one’s values is important for those who seek fulfillment and awareness through relationships.

See things clearly

The second approach is a favorite of mine. Meditation. During all this stimulus and distracting life that most of us participate in, it’s mandatory to invest some time listening to your thoughts, exploring your breathing and see things a little clearer through practice and patience. Practice meditation and you will be able to retract yourself from a current situation and sometimes put less (emotional) magnitude in a situation that really frustrates you.

Give yourself to the fullest

We live in a world in which “Trust must be earned”. Unconsciously or consciously we are suspicious towards each other. We don’t fully express ourselves to others, because we might get heart. Just like the last time we opened ourselves to a person who gained our trust and betrayed us. The first response of many people around us are that of suspicion, and we receive suspicion and doubt as well. We want to avoid the pain of an upcoming betrayal, as a result we close our body and mind to the rest of the world and hope that we find a true friend or lover. How can you have great experiences with people who interest you, when you are willing to give a small portion of who you are? You cannot, you simply have to let go all the internal dialog that you have been building for years and open yourself, show the vulnerabilities you have. No man or woman can rely on you when you hide your fears.

As you see there are more than one secret of discovering great relationships, we just covered a small portion. All things start with the relationship you have with YOURSELF.

5 Dating And Relationship Tips

A first date is always a nervous time for both of you. It’s a journey into the unknown, but also a journey that offers excitement and reward. With my 5 dating and relationship tips, I’m going to tell you how to make the best of that first date. And how to ensure you get more than just one date, to go on and build up a loving and long-lasting relationship.

1. Distinguish yourself from the ordinary – be different. Don’t use the usual clichés, or make it obvious you are more interested in her body than her mind. Treat her as a real person. Hold eye contact and speak in normal conversational terms. You’ll surprise her.

2. Speak to her about her. Everyone likes the word “you,” and she will be instantly flattered if you want to learn more about her. Ask about her likes and dislikes. Ask about things she’s done, places she’s visited, her ambitions and dreams, etc, etc.

3. Compliment her. But don’t go overboard. Be subtle and honest. The occasional genuine compliment is worth far more than a barrage of compliments on anything and everything.

4. Use the right body language. Non-verbal signals usually say more about how we really feel than anything else. Use an open posture, rather than sitting cross-legged or with arms crossed. It’s the small gestures and the voice tone that says more than the actual words every time.

5. If all goes well there will come a point in the evening when it’s time to find out where the encounter is heading. This usually takes the form of self-disclosure; you will tell her some things, she will tell you some things. The level of disclosure usually deepens until you both reach a point where you know (hopefully) what’s going to happen next.

Take it slow and stay subtle and confident throughout. These five dating and relationship tips are the basics of successful dating and relationships. There are many more things to learn, but learn these and you won’t go far wrong. I wish you a happy and fulfilling future.

Relationships Bring Essence to Life

Relationships are the substance of life. They bring essence to life.

Nevertheless at times, one faces complications in his life and comes across relationship problems. At times one comes to figure out that everything in life is going just fine, but it is the interpersonal human relationships which have become a source of sorrow.

One might be bothered not just regarding the relationships with one’s closest family, siblings or spouse, but also regarding relationships with his friends or colleagues in general.

Vedic astrology can work very effectively to help you solve any relationship issues that you may be facing in your life. These may include:-

– If you have recently or over time been facing any issues with your parents, siblings or closest family.

– If you have been facing issues with your spouse, any long distance relationship problems or problems in your married life.

– If marriageability or late marriage is an issue which has been a cause of concern.

– Vedic Astrology lets you find accurate and sincere predictions about how your life partner is going to look, how the husband and wife relationship is going to be, and would he get along well with your family and yourself.

– As a married person, Vedic Astrology could come to your aid if you have been worried about why things are not pleasant in your married life as they should be.

– Vedic Astrology lets you know why there are differences between your partner and yourself.

RESOLUTIONS FOR ISSUES RELATED TO RELATIONSHIPS IN VEDIC ASTROLOGY

In Vedic Astrology, you could find resolutions for issues related to relationships in the form of some very simple and yet highly effective and useful remedies. These would ensure that you are able to get over any problems that you are facing in your married life or relationships in general. And that would not just ensure that you find love, joy and happiness in your relationships with the ones who matter the most to you, but you would also find things falling in place over time.

GEMSTONE THERAPY FOR GETTING OVER RELATIONSHIP RELATED ISSUES

Apart from remedies for appeasing a certain God or Goddess based upon your unique personal horoscope, in Vedic Astrology, you could also find specialized remedies in form of Gemstone Therapy, wherein a particular gemstone might be recommended to be worn by you, or may even be suggested for your partner. On wearing it with the right procedure, i.e. right finger, at the right time and with the particular mantra for the gemstone or the ruling planet, a gemstone can bring about a great change for better in our lives, would work very well and augur well for interpersonal relationships as well.

How to Maintain a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Many relationships end up in breakage or compromised states because parties involved lack necessary information on maintaining happy relationships. Such information can help individuals live happily, because that is what good relationships are all about.

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Many websites exist to meet the increasing demand for information on matters of relationships as well as teaching people how to get over a relationship. Large percentage of Lovers or other parties breaking up are seeking break up advice from internet, which has a large number of websites such as One2OneDates.com, providing dating and relationship information.

Defining how to get over a relationship is one of the most challenging things lovers face. Passing through this difficult time needs critical and relevant decisions. It is important to determine experts who will offer break up advice because relationship issues revolve around emotions.

Expertise break up advice can cut down time spent by lovers on endless search for information on the internet on how to get over a relationship or how to get over an ex. In addition, most of these advises on the internet may be non-professional.

It is very important to evaluate activities and experiences of a failed relationship in the process of moving on after a relationship. Asking questions of what went wrong in a relationship helps in learning from past and avoiding repeating mistakes in future relationships.

The state of a relationship depends on the way the parties involved handle relationship matters or issues that arise on a day-to-day basis. Failed relationships end up into breakages if necessary information and effective communication to resolve the differences is lacking.

When break up in a relationship becomes inevitable, parties should seek break up advice from relationship counselors. Break-up advice is necessary when terminating a relationship because it helps in managing stress and other psychological challenges that my result. After a relationship has ended, these experts give guidance on how to get over a break up or how to get over an ex.

Memories of past relationships are a haunting to former lovers, if they do not know how to get over a break up or how to get over an ex. Many of these lovers find it difficult to establish how to get over an ex that they dated or had an affair with for so long. There are things to avoid for one to get over an ex, successfully. It is necessary to avoid communication with your ex as this helps you avoid bad haunting memories.

It is also important to avoid meeting your ex, especially after an immediate breakup, as this may help avoid heavy emotions and feelings for each other. What relevant ways of erasing bad relationship memories is one of the break-up advices that lovers tend to seek after a failed relationship. This is because memories of a failed relationship are painful and always come back haunting in future.

Though there is no common agreement on ways of maintaining a healthy and happy relationship, many people attributes a number of factors to healthy and happy relationship. Effective communication between couples or other parties of a relationship is a great way of maintaining a lasting and healthy relationship.

Ensuring that your partner understands what you intend to communicate, is a sure way of maintaining a happy relationship. Discussing your goals and dreams, opening your hearts to each other, being sincere and loving each other without limits, are other great ways of triumphing in relationships.

10 Ways to Build a Loving, Long Distance Relationship

The Internet Highway has changed the way we live and the way we love. It has changed the way we socialize and it has also increased the likelihood of finding love over the internet. Conversations are easy to strike up with regularity and it’s easy to discover that you have strong feelings for someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away from you! Many people are choosing to have long distance relationships (LDRs) LDRs might feel wonderful at first. However, they come with their own set of unique challenges as well. Many couples are blind-sided by the impact an LDR can have on their daily life. This person can now feel so close to you because of the internet and yet in reality, remain so far away. The paradox is weighty. The more prepared you are to handle the situation, the better equipped you both will be to make decisions along the way that will benefit you and your partner and possibly make it a safer and enjoyable experience. In this article, I have addressed 10 areas that you should pay special attention to when considering an LDR:

  1. Identity. Your parents always said “don’t talk to strangers.” Long Distance Relationships that begin on the internet go against that rule 100% If you’ve never met the person, there is the issue of dealing with someone who is not who they pretend to be. They may also not be single. You don’t know their history. You only know what they tell you and what they show you. If this is the case and you like the person and they like you – I would recommend doing an online search to make sure they are who they say they are. Even then you cannot be sure but it’s a start. If you feel like your relationship could possibly get serious, the cost of the search is an investment in attaining some level of security.
  2. Are they single? The internet is a perfect playground for people who are intent on cheating emotionally or physically. So you’ll have to do your due diligence to make sure they are available. Can you contact them anytime you want? Do they relegate contact with them during very tight windows of time? Do they suddenly have to get off the phone or shut down their connection? Can you reach them in the wee hours of the morning or in the middle of the night and have long conversations? Are they available during holidays or have that job requiring them to work every holiday?
  3. Fidelity. Are they the loyal type (Presuming you are). Because you are miles away, you don’t have a birds’ eye view into their life. So if you have confirmed that they are available, now you have to confirm that they are just involved with you. That is something that can be proven over time. The question is how long will it take and do you have that time to invest? If so, then you want to be certain that this is not someone who is just using the internet to widen their player game. When someone is into you – they are 100% available for you and only you. It’s easy to not pay attention to the signs when they are right there in front of you when the image on the camera is attractive or you’re being told everything you want to hear. So be transparent with your life and ask the same of them. If they rarely want to let you see them on the camera or have issues with spontaneous conversations and are rarely available or extremely controlling, chances are you are not the only person in the picture or they are just not that into you.
  4. Holidays. Remember that holidays happen all throughout the year. They will be a consistent reminder that you are in an LDR. If you are serious about maintaining your relationship you have to realize that long distance relationships cost money. In the beginning when emotions are high and love is in the air, finances don’t seem to be an obstacle. As a matter of fact, there is nothing that seems to be able to come between the two of you. However, reality sets in and catches many new lovers off guard. The desire might be high to meet but the budget could be low, unless it is planned for. So right out the gate, know that if this long-distance relationship is ever to go to the next level, you will have to take into account expenses to make meet-ups a reality. Where there is a will, there is a way. Both people should try to make equal efforts to visit one another to avoid resentment on the part of one party that could eventually break-up the relationship. If that’s not possible, then try to share the cost of one person traveling to see the other. If the holidays are approaching and it’s not possible to see one another, then you have to find a way to maintain the intimacy in spite of the distance.
  5. Insecurity. Long Distance Relationships are not for everyone. Your trust will be tested. That combined with the reality that you don’t have the luxury of being able to get to know one another on a daily basis in person and it can heighten the insecurities. You must assess if you have the ability to withstand those elements. You may have the potential for a great relationship, but if you can’t stand that strain, it’s best to be honest with yourself and with each other before going down that road. It is possible that you could salvage a very good friendship instead or part ways with dignity and care. Figure out ways to help one another feel secure. Will you check in all throughout the day, one a day or one a week or whenever you feel like it? You have to establish what will make you both feel comfortable and yet not suffocate one another. Quite often the level of paranoia and insecurity is so high that people end up stifling one another with their imaginations. This is a very important step to cover. Also, what can you do for each other that will make each of you feel special? Send periodic messages just to let them know you are thinking of them. Really pay attention to your partner and learn who they are, what they like, etc. If someone loves poetry, books or music – take time to send them a book of poems or create a playlist and send to them. In these ways, you display your affection across the miles and let them know you are thinking of them.
  6. Conflict. Long Distance Relationships are already stressful by their very nature. Try to minimize that stress by choosing your fights. Is it worth it to argue over every little thing? The relationship might not survive it. When you do argue, ask yourselves are you arguing over the issue or is the frustration from being apart fueling the anger? Is it that important that your partner showed up 5 or 10 minutes late for a skype date or a phone call or are you really upset because you want to see them? Try to remember that you both committed to this LDR. It is not necessarily anyone’s fault if you can’t get your needs met exactly when you want to. It is a choice you both made so try and be as compassionate and respectful with one another as possible. The internet can only stand in for true intimacy up to a certain point. On the other hand – if you met someone whom you love deeply and that love is very mutual, then time can endure much in exchange for the great reward on the other side.
  7. Communication. Communication is especially important in LDRs. You will have to go the extra mile to speak with clarity. This can be very trying for a lot of couples since we normally take for granted that we always have time to clear up miscommunications during the course of a day or at the end of the day when we get home. LDRs can’t always take it for granted that they have that time. The relationship is probably already strained, insecurities may lurk beneath the surface and the slightest miscommunication can bring negativity looming to the surface, especially in the beginning. When you tie into that, the fact that there may not be a lot of physical contact or the knowledge that there won’t be, any time soon – every miscommunication can be the last straw that broke the camel’s back. In a relationship where two people are in daily contact with one another, a misunderstanding can be discussed later and the friction can be solved with conversation, physical contact, affection and love-making. (I am not suggesting love-making solves all problems – but it helps if it can be part of the toolkit) In your traditional relationship models it is easier, in many ways, to resolve conflict. LDRs do not have that luxury. If you don’t deal with conflict well and avoid it at all costs, LDRs offer an easy out. Every episode of conflict can make the relationship better or worse depending on how you view and respond to conflict. So much hinges on what is said and what is not said. If you’re challenged with talking through conflict, have problems knowing or expressing your feelings quickly, or know that you’re a sensitive individual, rethink an LDR. It doesn’t mean it cannot work, but you both will have to work extra hard on your communication styles and skill. Hanging up on one another angrily with no assurance of working things out later, playing possum and pouting for indeterminate periods of time are the bedrock failure for most relationships are built on, let alone LDRs. The only thing you have is electronic communication between one another. If you express your anger and discontent with one another constantly by disregarding the communication and one another time and time again, you end up with simply an abusive relationship and eventually nothing. Equate it with people in a traditional relationship who are constantly walking away from one another and giving one another the silent treatment. How long would a relationship like that last? So whatever you would not do in a traditional relationship – don’t do in an LTR. Cowards act out and hide behind computers. Be better than that.
  8. Planning. A considerable amount of planning goes into an LDR. Where two people who live in close proximity of one another or who live together can coast from day to day, playing much of their relationship by ear so to speak, LDRs require more planning. Holidays, dates, birthdays, etc all must be planned. If you can’t spend a holiday together, how will you find a way to be “together”? How can you date one another over distance? How can you make special days like birthdays and Valentine’s Day feel special considering the physical absence of one another? Depending on how far apart you presently live, you will have to factor in the cost to mail gifts, surprises etc. Travel has to be factored in. If you have a job, you have to make sure you schedule the vacation time you need. If you’re in school you have to work around that schedule also. Time spent together which we take for granted is now at a premium and becomes very valuable.
  9. Honesty. Honesty promotes intimacy. If you are not willing to be honest about your feelings throughout the relationship, think twice about being in an LDR. You might feel like this is a safe haven because you only have to share but so much of yourself in a relationship over distance. You share what you want and when you want. You control when you want to talk to someone and when you want to be available. If that’s going to be the premise by which you operate, then your LDR won’t hold up over time. LDRs that last and develop into long-term relationships evolve out of continued and increasing intimacy. So if you struggle with intimacy and interacting on a regular basis over the long haul with someone, your relationship will run out of steam. Also if you feel you can’t endure the inherent limitations of physical contact with someone on a regular basis then don’t start down this road either. Most of all, be honest to the person you are dealing with in an LDR. You both made the choice and since no one forced you to be involved. if you decide to deal with someone that you can physically be with or met someone who lives closer to you, remember there is a real person on the other end of the line. Don’t just drop them because you can. Even though your feelings or needs have changed, try your best to treat them with respect and love. Give them the same care you would want from them. Karma is always on the job. What we don’t need is a lot more hurt people connecting on the internet than we already have. Connect responsibly.
  10. Creativity. If you accept this mission you have to open up your creativity in order to keep the spark alive. When you are together virtually, things can become mundane at times. Just as it can when two people who are physically together have been together for awhile. Unless a couple in an LDR pays attention, it can happen with them too. It can happen ever quicker because of the frustration from lack of physical connection or sexual contact. One person may be able to use their imagination to cross that physical bridge while the other one can’t. So you must be able to gauge whenever that is happening and commit to stay engaged. Here are some ideas to help jumpstart your imagination:
  • Take the 5 Love Languages Test by Gary Chapman. This will help you understand each other’s love language so you understand what the other needs to feel loved.
  • Watch tv together on skype.
  • Use music as a means of expression and connection to one another. Share playlists, watch YouTube videos, play an instrument for one another.
  • Meditate together with soothing music or a guided visualization in the background.
  • Do “facetime” together when you’re outside and show one another what you see via your phone camera
  • Take pictures and share them.
  • Make short videos and share them. They can be funny videos, Dirty Dancing videos – just make sure to be yourself!
  • Dress up and meet each other on Google hangout or skype and eat dinner together.
  • Have a skype breakfast together where one person is in the kitchen cooking the meal and the other person is watching. Record and send a segment to your partner for future savoring.
  • Make virtual vision boards together of your future vision of your relationship. It will keep you motivated to remain in the LDR vs. aimlessly staying in it with no end in sight.

7 Relationship Tips For Novices

If you have entered into a long-term commitment with someone for the first time you may be having some issues now concerning your relationship. Well here are a few relationship tips for novices to help ease your growing pains. Please read these relationship tips for novices if you really want your association to be fruitful for each other.

1. Nobody is perfect. In fact, you probably chose each other on the basis of your imperfections. Sympathy is a very strong motivator and when mutual shortcomings have a part in motivating relationships, it is usually because the goal is to help each other. So don’t expect perfection in your partner, instead, motivate it.

2. Be transparent in all your dealings with your partner. Opaqueness is a quality that is not conducive to sustaining good peer relationships. Once your partner gets used to your routine, don’t suddenly change it without letting him in on why you suddenly decided to do a makeover.

3. Honestly, honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships. Especially, have the maturity and courage to own your mistakes and errors of judgment, even in seemingly inconsequential things. Once you start keeping and camouflaging things from your partner, you can get to like doing that even for the more important matters.

4. Always express your thoughts accurately. You need to make your partner trust you and believe in what you are saying unless you want him to patronize you. You will be surprised how inaccuracy of speech can turn off some people. If you say “green” when you should have said “blue” your partner will get the impressions that you don’t put much importance to what you say to him. And one doubt can lead to another.

5. Talking in the right tone is important for maintaining a good relationship. Every personal association moves to some background accompaniment. This tone sets the theme for your relationship. “Honey bunch” and “honey” mean the same thing technically but some people prefer the one to the other…and sometimes, it becomes more than a question of preference.

6. Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt and the support of your trust. Making your partner feel inadequate won’t help either of you any. If you think he lacks the ability to do something then help him to acquire it and be patient while he is doing so. Good relationships are based on “wouldn’t it be nice” just as much as “that’s great!” because good relationships should work for the improvement of all involved.

7. Be sensitive to what your partner thinks and feels. You don’t own the truth. And people are motivated to action by what they perceive to be true. If you are perceptive to your partners attitudes, you will better be able to come to a midway resolution for your issues.